2006 Audi S4 Review

Specifications

quattro Takes on the Rockies

But first, about 1,500 miles of Michigan, Illinois, Wisconsin, Iowa, Nebraska (or is it Nebraska first and then Iowa… I couldnt really tell the difference) and the lowlands of Colorado stood between me and my destination: a few rounds on the slopes of Copper Mountain and seeing how well Audis 4.2L monster in the S4 would deal with the freshly powdered, twisting canyon routes that lead up to some of the finest skiing in North America. I got through that big chunk of real estate without a hitch and a quiet, overnight stop in Madison, Wisconsin, where I sampled deep fried cheese curds for the first time at Old Fashioned in downtown Madison. Easily the food highlight of the trip; thank you, Wisconsin.

On the long, lonely road to Wisconsins capital, I had the pleasure of seeing how each state feels about the importance of its cross-state traffic. Michigans I-69 stood out as being the biggest mess, where I could not lean my head against the headrest because it was like one of those silly body shakers they used to have as exercise machines–when was that, the 60s? It took about ten seconds to give me a headache in some stretches, so I took the neck pain over the headaches throughout most of Michigan.  Much of the road surface was buckled concrete with patches of rubber sealant holding it together, but one stretch was simply rolling asphalt that was literally bouncing me up and down almost perfectly in sync with Weezers Beverley Hills. Im developing a theory that it is the Michigan state legislatures effort to fortify Buick sales, because no car with any sort of sporty pretensions will do anything but punish you repeatedly, at least on the stretch of I-69 that I drove. Brutal. Almost made me wish for the A8s adjustable air suspension… now where is that Comfort setting on this car?

Anyhow, if a car ever had sporty pretensions, the S4 is it, and it is perhaps one of the most pretentious offerings in the sports sedan market. I mean, its German, its uptight, its fabulously engineered and extremely conservative in looks despite being gorgeous, so why shouldnt it have a high opinion of itself. I have definitely developed a rather high opinion of it. It is amazingly stable and composed at all speeds that I experienced, and I have no doubt that it would be similarly composed at speeds above the legal limits in the various states I drove through, if one were to hypothetically attempt such a thing. No doubt whatsoever. As speeds increased, the S4 seemed to get sucked down into the pavement for mindbending traction and stability; since there is no tacky spoiler, aerodynamic credit has to go to the front lip spoiler and the under-bumper diffuser that also houses the quad tailpipes. Consider this mind bent.

Of course, driving along a series of interstate highways tests mostly high-speed cruising ability, suspension forgiveness, fuel consumption, my ability to stay awake and hold my pee, and the functionality of the navigation system. The results are as follows: amazing, punishing, draining, unblinking / twice every twelve hours and impeccable, respectively.

To elaborate further on the subject of suspension, this car is, like many others, happiest on glass-smooth asphalt or clean grooved pavement; however, unlike many others, it transmits most road irregularities straight to the awkward, yet supportive seats. The firm, sporty suspension keeps the car pancake flat around onramps, but bumps are bumpy and the seats are similarly firm, so the bumpy goes straight up your spinal ladder. Oddly, the seats shouldnt be adjusted in the way that you might think will give you more comfort, but rather, as they were designed to be adjusted. After initially setting the chair to my preferred low slung, racy position, I found that back fatigue developed quickly and intrusively, so I started randomly moving buttons around to adjust the 12-way power seat until I was seated as high up as possible and leaning way back in my seat with a lot of lower thigh support. One quick push of the Memory “+2″ and my optimal seating position was saved for the rest of my time in the car. Problem solved.

On the second day, when my copilot, Tom, joined me for the second leg (Madison, Wisconsin to Boulder, Colorado), he tried adjusting the seats as he normally would in his A4 and also found that he quickly developed fatigue and back stress. When he adjusted it to match my counterintuitive settings, he quickly became settled and pain free. After that, it was smooth sailing, except in parts of Nebraska, where Tom commented that the roads are so spotty and the ride so firm that he should have brought along his Man-Bra for support.

As for the other tests of endurance on a trip like this, the most rewarding was by far the navigation system, and the most painful, the gas bill. The gas bill I will discuss later, but I have almost nothing but good things to say about the navigation system. Use the dial and buttons to punch in the address of any place (they are divided into regions), plus city and state, etc. and the nav will diagram you a map of the route, but you first have the option of adjusting the route with stopovers, places to avoid, or simply going through a stretch that you know to be more scenic.

The system then directs your driving with voice prompts, ample warning to prepare for lane changes, exits, and turns and a little countdown bar plus directional arrows in the gauge binnacle so you can prepare for the upcoming turn. My only complaint was that the computer-generated voice sort of slurred her “left” and “right” so that they often sounded the same. That is something that should be very clear and unmistakable, but wasnt.

However, I cant thank Audi enough for their excellent navigation system and the visual cues that got me to my stopover and end destination without a flutter. After testing Audis MMI interface in a number of different Audi vehicles and spending a reasonable amount of time working the system, I have to say that it is properly intuitive and incorporates a reasonable organization of car functions. It takes only a brief acclimation period to become fully versed with its positioning, and ensuing operation can be executed with a minimum of attention stolen from ones focus on the road.

These are all relevant and necessary accessories that would be available in any sport sedan as luxuriously appointed, and fully taking advantage of its assets on a long trip brought them to my immediate attention, but what about that engine? Well, that was definitely one of the things that helped keep me awake, with its veritable growling and deep rumbling that kept me alert, entranced and enamored through hours and hours and hours of Midwestern scenery (farms, farms, farms, farms, Chicago, farms, farms, farms, Mississippi, farms farms farms….), Im going to dedicate the rest of Part I of my Road Trip to this heartthrob engine.

On The List

How to begin? When you like a car and its engine this much, it is hard to slip into the voice of an objective reviewer, so I wont. However, in order to achieve a certain balance, I will throw in some obvious complaints right off the line. To paraphrase an item of hearsay from the locker room (in reference to similar performance cars, no less), this thing drinks gasoline like you wouldnt believe–the original quote had much better impact, but Im afraid it is not fit for these pages. The S4, during a previous week in my possession, went through over 200 dollars of premium unleaded, and I have yet to finish calculating my total expenses on the return portion of this trip, but I have already gone through $150 worth of premium on this road trip. Granted, I am never one to drive conservatively, and I was in the car 12 hours in a row two days straight, and then in my free time tackling mountain passes, slipping through the gears like a ninja in a forest at night–okay, maybe I sounded more like Chris Farley in White Ninja  — but I sure felt like a ninja. Although if were talking martial arts, I would compare the car to David Carradines traveling-monk Shaolin Kung Fu: even though you think hes moving in slow motion, everyone else is suddenly on the floor or wrapped around lamp-posts.

The S4 builds up power so evenly and smoothly that you dont realize it until you glance down at the speedo and say to yourself: “holy smokes, how come all the other cars are way back there.” Of course, with my full concentration on the clutch and shifter with my eyes splitting duty between the road, the buses standing still and the other cars crawling along (”why is everyone else moving so slowly?”) and the tachometer, the speedo is something of an afterthought. What matters is a) not hitting anything, b) making that perfect shift from first to second with a bit of gratuitous high-revving in the split second before loosing the clutch and freeing all 340-horsepower and 302 lb-ft of torque via 4 wheels to cold dry asphalt, and c) trying to do this without stalling or ripping the clutch to pieces. Mission accomplished.

But its not so much the output, or at least the specs, that define this powerplant, rather the intoxicating sound and feel of 8 cylinders competing for attention, begging to be fed at every pause and inviting you into an imbroglio of driving sensations that cannot be had with smaller, turbocharged engines. While turbos and superchargers have their own merits, the gulping burble and blurp when you first twist the key of the S4 is something they cant compete with. At idle, and then very low in the rev range, when the power is just coming to life, the sound is still a deep, feel-it-in-the chest vibration, and higher up in the 4s and 5s on the tach, the engine starts to scream like a horde of Valkyries charging into battle at full pitch — I just couldnt get enough. Ive been thinking about how much it would cost just to get the 4.2 set up next to my TV and stereo so I could sit for an evening, smoking my pipe and relishing a snifter of Cognac, listening to Don Giovanni mildly in the background as a counterpoint (okay, its more likely to be Jameson and the Pixies Bossanova, but you get the idea). I honestly sat in my car on cold winter mornings turning the car on, then off, on again, and then maybe one more time, off, and on, just to hear that low rumble come to life, with the promise of such power and ease.

Is that worth the price? It would be for me. It makes my list of 600-thread-count sheets, Basil Haydens bourbon, a game-winning goal, the top shelf of my bookcase, seeing Hiroshiges One Hundred Famous Views of Edo in person and the solo from Weezers Only in Dreams. A weird list no doubt, but theyre the kind of things that I would like to have with me if stranded on an island, and if I couldnt have them, I could live on the memory.

Right now, Im off to make some more memories. More on the S4 when I return from my trip.