2006 Volkswagen Phaeton Review

Specifications

Plutocrats Wanted

As I write, the Volkswagen Phaeton is fading away. Its beginning to vanish, into thin air, though youd be hard pressed to notice since there are less than three thousand twenty-four of these cars spread across the country. When it was launched just three years ago, it stirred up quite a fuss; after all, the Phaeton was the Volkswagen that would fundamentally change the way the world would perceive Germanys meat and potatoes brand. But in this perfectly calculated experiment of boardroom management, something went amiss, and now Volkswagen is quietly pushing it aside like week-old paperwork.

Growing up, I watched the rise of many manufacturers, one of which was Volkswagen. Its not the same kind of rise that sees a manufacturer making something from nothing, but rather the transformation of a brand that once produced bottom of the food chain vehicles to one that has developed into a desirable household name, a name that has appeal, and can hold water. Of course, the question remains, if cars like the Golf and the Passat are so highly regarded, why didnt people flock to the Phaeton? Surely it cant be that VW is an inferior brand as a whole; in nearly all the segments it has products entered its vehicles are considered benchmarks that other companies strive to emulate, be it in design, road manners, or that feel-good sensation you get when sliding into the drivers seat.

What strikes me as odd about the Phaeton is its purpose; Ive yet to
find a theory that fully explains its existence. One says that the company is merely doing good on building “The Peoples Car”; after building a portfolio of modest automobiles it finally got around to building a car for those “people” who are very, very wealthy. Theres another that says this car is merely a showpiece, a tool to drive up the profit margins on Golfs and Jettas by getting people to plunk down on leather, nav and other four-figure options. Another says that it was merely a way to offset the expense put out for the Baby Bentleys - AKA Continental GT and Flying Spur - which ride on the same platform and use a version of the top-line W12 engine and drivetrain. One explanation that makes sense is that it was developed for luxury buyers who wanted a car with Bentley characteristics, but who didnt necessarily want to attract attention by appearing too ostentatious when driving up to the office. My personal favorite is the one that says that the Phaeton is a strike against Mercedes-Benz, which honed in on VWs territory with its front-wheel drive A- and B-Class, and this is their way of striking back.
 
But regardless of the original motive or any beliefs other journalists and media types may adhere to, and regardless of what philosophy the Phaeton was executed with, it plain outright didnt work; it didnt dethrone any of its class peers. I could happily go on and on about how this grandiose idea did not work, but Im going to leave it here. Instead, Im going to get on with the evaluation, because the car, as an example of design and engineering excellence, is equally as interesting as its history and background info.

Getting back to the very beginning, vanishing is something that the Phaeton is very good at, whether youre talking in terms of shooting off into the sunset, or, in a shroud of ordinary.

Some say that theres just something not quite right about the way that it looks, that its deficient in some way, shape, or form. Its not that it isnt big enough either, because, at over 16 feet in length, it is as large as luxury barges come. Neither does it lack the details of an expensive car; the shut-lines pass Bernd Pischetsrieders own sliding-finger tests, and the welds on the roof are so tight and so fine that they dont need to be covered with a cap. This is aside from those elegant wheels, the flush-mounted tail pipes, and polished aluminum struts which lift its hood and trunk vertically. I suppose it may be a bit on the plain side, a bit too reserved, but if it were my hundred grand I wouldnt want to be driving a car that looks like it was styled by a blindfolded man wielding a machete.

One of the distinguishing features about the Phaeton is that it has two abnormally large VW logos, one on the front and one on the back. From looking at this machine, this masterwork, you get a feeling that these chrome-plated logos are tokens of pride, a two-part trophy for the lab-coats that designed the car. But as proud as they may be, its not the most convincing factor for those who have to purchase it; while the VW brand name is no shrinking violet, perhaps it may have been wiser to make the logos smaller. With such big badges, the Phaeton comes across as a car that almost tries too hard to be discreet, as if it were trying to say to people, “Dont look at me, Im just a Volkswagen.” Maybe this truly is the kind of car for those who wish to be deliberately inconspicuous, the type of plainly invisible vehicle that tax avoiders with offshore bank accounts in the Cayman Islands would buy.

But for all of that inflated last-generation Passat look about its classy exterior, youd never know what was inside the Phaeton; mostly no one would even bother to look inside. Its an oasis of perforated leather, accented by ribbons of glossy wood and glistening bits of chrome, the kind of high quality look, feel and execution that characterized Mercedes-Benz when it wasnt chasing profit margins. I believe the term is “over-engineered”.
 
And you can feel that its a quality item too; the doors shut with a heavy, air-displacing whumph, gravitating towards the body with the kind of force that can snap stray limbs like twigs. It comes as no surprise either - even though the doors skins were made of aluminum like the fenders and decklid it doesnt quite balance out the sound-proofing, the carpeting, the electrics, a forests worth of wood and the two panes of glass that make up each window. And then theres my favorite bit, the draft-free ventilation system. The Phaeton does have a proper set of exposed vents on its dash, but rather theyre covered up by a retractable plinth of wood, and are only open for viewing when max ventilation is required.

The center console that lays beneath isnt exactly what Id call organized, mind you. In fact, Id stretch out on a limb to say its disorganized, with too many buttons doing too many different things, and at speed, theres no real way of distinguishing one from the next without taking your eyes off the road. This said, after committing such an outrageous sum of money, it would be worth it to keep the Phaeton around for a while in order to familiarize yourself with what every button does. Thankfully, for those who only have it for a one-week sampling, like me, and couldnt be bothered to read the War and Peace-sized manual that comes with the car, theres a big one with “Help” written on it, should you get overwhelmed. You can also just fiddle around with the controls without using the manual, as most of them are self-explanatory. Just pull over before you do so, as the process requires all of your attention.

While the Phaeton is a high-tech vehicle, Volkswagens disinterest in sustaining it has let its precedence as a leader fade. There are a few little things that struck me as slightly backwards. It has a manual foot brake, compared to competitors electronic parking brakes, and xenon headlamps that dont point around corners. The Passat, which starts at a quarter of the Phaetons price, has an electrical parking brake, a self-holding automatic, and you can option it with headlamps that look around corners. The Phaeton also has the same kind of keyless entry you might get on an A6 or an A8, where you dont need to take the keys out of your pocket. But it doesnt have a keyless start function, so, regardless, you have to fumble around in your pockets anyway. Why bother?

As for the back seat, the Phaeton isnt so much a lounge as it is spacious; theres a difference you know. Plunk down on the seats and voila, the head rests rise to the occasion; your feet are looked after too with deep carpeting and a pop-up ottoman that rises out of the floor. My test car featured a full rear bench, which means that the gazillion-way adjustable rear buckets werent fitted, but they were heated, and the two main seating positions had a massage function and adjustable lumbar support. Attention to detail is excellent; its even got tiny little roller blinds to cover up the little rear quarter windows. Mind you, even without the blinds in place, the Phaetons cabin is dark, like a traditional sitting room, and unlike its brother, the Audi A8, it does without any sort of mood lighting.

Another thing that caught my eye on this particular car was the license plate frame, which read Drivers Wanted, but in what context? Mechanically, the Phaeton is a brilliant example of engineering. It features a great big 4.2-liter V8 thats also offered in half the Audi range, along with a silky six-speed automatic gearbox and all-wheel drive, which makes it infallible to any climate. Additionally it has one of the worlds most rigid chassis, and it comes with six-piston Brembo calipers up front to haul you down from the high end of the speedometer, where it feels right at home. The Phaeton also has an adjustable Airhook air suspension that makes driver and passengers feel like theyre riding on a magic carpet, no matter how bad the road gets, and does its part to eliminate body roll when the road starts to snake.

But does this mean anything at all to you, the person behind the wheel? Im confident in saying that the Phaeton could hang with an S-Class or an A8 down a winding road, but why would you want to do that? For one, it would be a disorienting task as the car is remarkably detached and isolated from the road, with little communicated through that big, heated steering wheel. Its suspension is adjustable for a sportier ride by firming the billows up, but for what reason, Im unsure; why would you want to make your ultra-luxury sedan ride as if rigor mortis had set in on the dampers? It is best to leave it in the softest mode and just waft along, letting the Phaeton put its best foot forward in cosseting you and your passengers. Besides, all the electronics and mechanical mastery in the world cant veil the fact that the Phaeton is as big and as heavy as a small moon, so theres no sense in pretending its a sports car. Treat it as an executive sedan, and youll be very pleased with the result.

But theres something else about the Phaeton, something thats not quantifiable in terms of features or numbers. Its something that can be felt in its presence, inside, outside, or while driving down the road. The main difference between a VW Phaeton and something like the S-Class, both of which are very large, very advanced German automobiles, is that one seems like a pitiless cyborg, while the other, dare I say, has soul. By sitting in it, driving in it, immersing yourself in this world of luxury, you feel that VWs engineers put their very all into it, acting on a totally different level than when they were working on a New Beetle or Golf. Its as if they were given the chance to do something special, something extraordinary, while other automakers view the super-sized segment as more of a chore. VWs engineers were set free, and it makes all the difference in the world.

In a way, Volkswagen jumped the gun on this one, big time; it wasnt ready for this kind of car. Yes the Phaeton is proof that VW can design and build a car thats equal or better than what most others offer, but this is only half the story. The “Transparent Factory” in Dresden, Germany, where the Phaeton is built, is nicer looking inside and out than the dealerships its sold in, not to mention its in-house four-star restaurant and customer lounge. Compare this to your average VW showroom, which, more often than not, doesnt even offer complementary drinks and operational internet access. And while a sales associate might greet you upon entry, they probably wont be wearing an Armani suit, offering a freshly made macchiato to talk over, as with an Audi dealer. Certainly, its often better than the BMW or a Benz dealership experience, where you dont get any service whatsoever, but thats a story for another day. Surely, VW dealerships are nice places, but theyre just not posh enough to sustain a car like the Phaeton, nor its high-end buyers.

To me, a nineteen year old with accumulated assets that total one fiftieth of this cars list price, the Volkswagen Phaeton manages to sit atop my list of most favored cars. It saddens me that this review will not make a lick of difference in the grand scheme of things; I could wax lyrical well into next week about how fantastic this car is, but my road test wont stop VW from canceling the Phaeton in the U.S. in only a few months.  Ill be overcome with joy if someone buys one because of me, but its not like theyll be able to find one even if they wanted one, being that most Volkswagen dealers have essentially stopped carrying them. I suppose if you went in with a thick wad of cash a dealer would get on the phone and try to source one from another dealer or from VWs central HQ, but at the heavily discounted price youd probably want to pay, it may not be worth if for them to do so. And because of that, one of the worlds greatest automotive engineering feats will exit stage left, and as they do in the movies… fade to black.