2007 BMW 335i Coupe Review

Specifications

Cruel and Heartless, But in a Good Way
 
This isnt your average drivers car. It doesnt constantly reaffirm the driving experience with kinetic feedback during every lane change or highway on-ramp and it wont make you feel like a hero for doubling the limit on exit ramps. No, that would be much too simple for this vehicle. Simply put, the ordinary will remain ordinary and you can ho-hum your way to work (and feel every pothole and manhole cover along the way with the clarity of a whips crack) barely engaging the second, large-output turbo or noticing the direct tracking of the speed-sensitive power steering. For a car with this much ability, you really should look for a track before even thinking about what its capable of, because in traffic, or anywhere near civilization, it has too much power and too much composure to even get a glimpse of the threshold. Sure you can dangle the rear end (all-season run flats arent exactly designed for ultimate grip in near-freezing temperatures), and traction control will kick in on bumpy curves as the rock-hard tires skitter like pebbles skipping across a pond - Im a big fan of trusting the electronics to balance my heavy right foot coming out of those turns - thats what theyre there for right?

My dialogue with this car amounted to probing for flaws and weaknesses, and finding few; none in the cabin, none with the engine, none with the transmission and maybe only a little with the newfound flamed surface styling. However, the longer the conversation went on, the more I felt like I was the biggest flaw this car exhibited. Not that theres anything (seriously) wrong with me, but I was most likely the root of any problems that were manifested by the vehicle. If it were up to me, new buyers should have a thorough screening and interview process to gain access to a set of keys, as opposed to the reality of a credit check being the key requirement to ownership and operation of a vehicle, because, as opposed to another equally German brand that wants any driver to come and drive their cars off its lots, Im guessing BMWs engineers would prefer if only qualified and skilled drivers were entrusted with the operation of their masterworks. But hey, this is no Ferrari FXX, so what am I talking about?

Well, this is yet another rendition of the Ultimate Driving Machine, and I began to feel that only on a good day or evening, only when the astral bodies are in complete harmony and choose to smile down upon me,  and only if all my senses are lit up with a divine purpose would I have the ability to drive this car to its full potential, turning off all safety systems, hanging the back end out and gracefully arcing around corners and bringing it back in just in time to shoot out of the apogee in so fine a fashion that Halleys comet would be jealous of  my skills. Id like to report that this took place on a cold, starry autumn night, but, umm, Im afraid no such thing happened. Would have been cool though.

Theres a lot to say about this car, and to try to fit it into a length that doesnt overstep your attention span (or mine, more likely), will require incredible restraint. Ive only had it for a couple days now and Im already filled with conflict. Sometimes I look at it and feel completely indifferent, like its a lightly styled appliance with a really nice paint job and cool headlamps. Then at other moments, when I come around a corner and the light hits it at just the right angle, it looks like a fabulous piece of modern architecture, with fascinating surface treatments, solid forms and great use of light and visual flow. The long hood and sleek tapering of the roof into the trunk are traditional, but the creases and twisting wheel spokes are so modern I think Frank Gehry may have penned some parts of it. Ill have to settle for beautiful in places, awkward on the whole.

On the other hand, its nothing short of the most beautiful interior Ive seen in a BMW, with light cream leather and carpets with dark burl walnut trim creating a warm, rich and luxurious environment in contrast with the stark, all black interiors Ive come to expect from the brand (and sometimes a good dose of red leather to boot). This doesnt begin to describe the range of options for interior dressings, though, since BMW offers several combinations of leather mixed with either aluminum or wood trim to lighten the mood or isolate the driver in a black hole, so that his attention will be focused solely on the road at all times.
 
Personally, Im a bit sad that my tester didnt have the optional navigation system, as it is bundled with iDrive. I find the system logically organized and intuitive to operate; it really only takes 15 minutes with the manual or a sales person explaining its hierarchy and then a short period of living with it before being able to reach primary controls without even looking at the screen. I can only imagine how reflexive it must become for an owner to access desired menus at the cardinal points (I like to think of the main entry menu as a compass star) without even looking at the screen; heck, of a lot easier than something like Saabs little army of green-glowing buttons marching across the console or Volvos stylish console with its teensy buttons all piled on top of each other on one remote-like bar (very cool, but not very glove friendly from a company that should know about driving with thick winter gloves, not to mention that they are positioned low so you must direct your eyes far from where they should be… the road and mirrors).

Anyhow, thats my defense of iDrive. Youll likely see it again every time I read what I consider an incomprehensible oversight of condemning a user interface on the basis of merely a week-long or sometimes shorter test period. Oh, and apologies to owners of cars with BMWs first generation iDrive - I hear its a mess.

Getting back to the 3-Series Coupe, the interior was a gorgeousenvironment, and the best aspect of the hospitality was the extremely supportive and supremely comfortable Sport Seats. They were adjustable in 8 ways, but my favorite feature was the side bolster adjustment that cinches you into your seat with complete authority so that you can execute aggressive maneuvers without a hint of seat-slide. From the excellent position in the drivers seat, the thick-rimmed, three-spoke steering wheel manually adjusts for tilt and distance from the driver, allowing you to find a perfect combination of distance from the pedals to the seat and the seat to the wheel, and the shifter was always close to hand in its traditional console position.

With a perfect position negotiated, it soon becomes second nature to slip through the gears and carve up traffic, because with 300 horsepower and 300 lb-ft of torque routed through a close ratio 6-speed manual, its hard not to get caught up in the power lust of this twin-turbo inline six. At this point Im sure youve heard plenty about BMWs twin-turbo configuration, with a small, light-pressure turbocharger spinning up to speed almost immediately and a second, larger boost unit keeping the pressure up at high revs. Suffice to say that they work… they work real good. From just about nowhere youve got more power than a set of all-season tires can handle, so you have to feather-foot it-unless you have all traction systems off and want to really irritate other citizens off the road with smoking rubber and acrid odors.
 
Whether you take the antisocial route or allow the traction control to moderate your leaden right foot, once you gain full traction the 335i just catapults ahead of stunned, unprepared cars, clearing intersections before some people even get across the pedestrian walkway. Clear of traffic in a heartbeat, 2nd gear will catch you up to highway traffic and then you can shift right into 6th and settle into cruising mode. Of course, moving through every gear is its own excuse, with massive in-gear acceleration at almost any speed and a rewardingly heavy clutch that is ideal for anything except monotonous and foot-tiring stop-and-go traffic.
 
When you do have an open stretch of road, the 335 sings, whether its a long, uninterrupted straight to feel how quickly the power builds, or a series of curves, rises and twists, where the 335i digs in with super wide and ridiculously low profile rubber (Ive seen spray on bed liners that are thicker) on 19-inch twisted-spoke alloys (225/35R19 in front and 255/30R19 rear). Because BMW is sticking with the runflat tires to save trunk space, the ride can be harsh and even downright shocking at times, but the base 17-inch alloys have a taller profile for a more forgiving ride if you can live with slightly less grip on those days that you want to test the cars ability.
 
More appropriately, its a car in which to test your own ability, because as I said before, the 335s threshold is so high, quickly surpassing legal limits, that you have to face your favorite track to see if you can keep up with it. With complete disdain for ordinary driving conditions and utter mastery of public roads, the 335i steps so lightly and so quickly through any challenge to complete superiority that I could almost feel it chuckling smugly as I explored my limits, clearly not yet the Ultimate Driver. Maybe one day, when I can live up to this cars potential, Ill let you know what its capable of.