2007 Jeep Grand Cherokee Review

Specifications

Probably the hardest thing about this review was choosing which AC/DC song to use as the title. With rock anthems like Thunder, TNT, Heatseeker, Highway to Hell, You Shook Me All Night Long and Hell’s Bells, it was only after much careful deliberation and head banging that I settled on Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap. Right there, just from the title, it pretty much sums up what this truck is all about. Wasting other so-called ’super’ SUVs that will cost you a hundred grand more, burying sport compacts and many dedicated sports cars off the line and a smoking gun that will convert hydrocarbons into adrenalin at a ridiculously high thrills-per-gallon ratio, something like 472 to 17 (using the standardized Yarkony ass-factor scale). Granted, environmentalists and people who like to breathe clean air may not approve, but everybody has to make their own choices and I’m glad there are people out there driving Priuses to balance out the SRT8s of the world. I won’t even argue that it’s bad, and I’m pretty sure that’s just the way the SRT team, Jeep and Chrysler Group like it. Just like with AC/DC, bad is good.

As well as being bad, this SRT8 is almost incomprehensible in its speed. It is the fastest of any vehicle with the SRT8 badge thanks to the SRT team’s tinkering with the Jeep’s electronic, full-time four-wheel drive system helping to launch the Grand Cherokee with superior traction compared to its RWD cousins. The SRT8’s signature is its 6.1L Hemi V8, making 420 horsepower and 420 lb-ft of torque, enough to claim a time of under 5 seconds to 60 mph in wet or dry conditions, better than the LX cars like the Magnum, Charger and Chrysler 300C with the same 6.1. Relative to its lumbering SUV competition, it is pretty much the fastest stock SUV in the world, faster than any supercharged Land Rover or the insane turbocharged Porsche Cayenne Turbo when it first came out. There was a special performance upgrade you could get on the Cayenne Turbo (the T-equipment package) that helped it match the Jeep’s pace – whoever thought that Porsche would ever need to come up with a special package to beat a Jeep can now be graduated from Nostradamus’ School of Unlikely Predictions. As it stands now, the recently upgraded Cayenne Turbo, at $93,700, does the sprint in 4.9 seconds and the Mercedes-Benz ML63 is close behind taking less than 5 seconds to also hit 60 mph mark, starting at $86,650.

One of the reasons for the Jeep’s superiority off the line is its (relatively) trim weight. I wouldn’t exactly call 4,819 lbs light, but when you compare it to one of those Cayenne Turbos (5,192 lbs) it is. And what that allows it to do is handle corners without any adaptive suspension trickery. There’s no active anti-roll bar system, or hydro-pneumatics … just a relatively simple and brutally unforgiving independent suspension keeps the truck flat in cornering, completely disregarding body roll until pushed to absolute limits, where a bit of body lean will reinforce the squealing tires to let you know that it is time for a small steering or throttle correction. While the brakes are upgraded Brembos with 20×9 inch aluminum wheels strapped into 255/45ZR20 tires in front with 20×10 hubs wrapped in 285/40ZR20 rubber, step on the “whoa” pedal and you will still feel every pound of this super-ute being hauled back down from speed like an unwilling buffalo lassoed by a strapping young Bunyan. No matter, despite braking making less of an impression than its mutant acceleration, it still stops, but it’s just not as mind-blowing as feeling every particle of rubber on those 10-inch and 9-inch wide tires correcting my spine with every fierce stab at the gas pedal.

Anyhow, this is about the place where I usually have to report on the backup camera, Sirius satellite radio, Auto-dimming mirror, hands-free Bluetooth connectivity, rear-seat DVD entertainment system, but I just can’t summon the list-guy in me to rattle off feature packages and upgrades. I mean, do you really care about the Deluxe Door Trim Panel or the illuminated vanity mirrors? And as nice as illuminated entry and universal garage door openers are, it doesn’t seem like the deal breaker on a 420-horsepower spawn of Satan … Then again, if not for cruise control, I likely would not have had a prayer of keeping my license, not with a serpentine burble to the exhaust tempting me to taste the fruit of illicit speed, and I don’t just mean illegal speeds, but speeds that are downright immoral. Yeah, this thing is bad.

Okay, in the name of redemption, I did go over the feature list and discovered that the GC SRT8 with a couple of option packages pushing it north of $43K (that’s before sin taxes that are likely to be applied on top of the usual sales taxes) make it as well equipped as anything in the segment. However, while its features are impressive, Jeep, and Chrysler Group in general, are still throwing in some chintzy plastics. Despite some of the hard plastics, I think I’d be willing to sacrifice the odd scraped knuckle for that kind of evil at my disposal. I mean really, who wouldn’t want a vehicle that could easily pass for transportation for all four horsemen of the apocalypse and their luggage?

However, 2008 models that will be arriving at dealer lots shortly feature redesigned dashboard and door panels with better quality materials – more of the soft-touch look and feel that you’d automatically find in any of its much pricier German competitors. Other neat additions include a new key, similar to what you’d get on a Saab, but leaner and more elongated, a telescoping steering column, handy for getting the perfect driving position, and Chrysler’s MyGig system replaces the old Pioneer-developed nav system. There’s also revised styling at the front end, and you can get HIDs – handy as the 420-hp 6.1L Jeep is nearly capable of out-accelerating light …

No matter, my SRT8 was just fine even without the revised fascia and upgraded dash-top trim. The features that really count, like a full battery of safety systems (you know that many of the ‘excitable’ types that will end up in this vehicle are bound to test all of these systems), including front, side and curtain airbags, LATCH anchor system, 4-wheel anti-lock disc brakes, brake assist, Electronic Stability Program, traction control and a tire pressure monitoring system rounding out the feature list. Performance upgrades over stock GCs are significant, but I won’t list them all or it might break the enchantment that this vehicle put on me. I still get a voodoo tingle all up my spine when I think about the head-pounding acceleration and the cornering ability and subsequent silent grip of all four tires biting out of tight turns.

Yup, this thing is as bad as George Thorogood could have ever imagined, right down to its unlikely Jeep chassis … and speaking of being thoro(ugh), I apologize for the somewhat inadequate detail of this review, but all the details seem terribly pointless in the face of this madness. If you are interested in this car, the only thing you want to know is what it feels like to sit in that seat at a red light, with no traffic in sight, then drop your right foot when the light is green and feel the plaque being shaved off your teeth, your hair getting ripped out by its roots and your bowels being unyieldingly compressed by the acceleration. That’s what it’s all about – all that, and room for the family to take a cross-country road trip. Nobody else can beat that. It’s just too bad to be true.

Specifications (Jeep Grand Cherokee SRT8):