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Bad advice, unwanted opinions, poignant (to someone, but not you) suggestions, self serving prophesizing and ill-informed proclamations all pointed at you; coming from a source that you might be dubious to trust. I use “uncle” as my reference, but you can add any name to that one individual who pressures you to follow their suggestions. The question is: why must you follow their advice, ESPECIALLY when that unwanted advice comes to cars (and family – to a lesser extent)?

Here’s an example; a long time ago an “uncle” of mine insisted I buy a Jeep Cherokee that was WAY past its due date. I knew this was a bad idea the moment I looked under the hood and laughed at the plumber’s putty used to fix a hose. Still, I bought it and it was a money pit from day one! So, why was the suggestion made? I wanted a used Japanese truck and he was completely against it.

Why? It turns out that he had a preference for American built vehicles. He knew nothing about mechanicals, manufacturing, performance – hell; I think he had a hard time understanding how to unscrew his gas cap! He insisted (and he helped with a small loan) and I caved in. In time, I paid it off and sold it for junk. The hardest part was remaining quiet and accepting my position as the understanding nephew. He also reminded me that it would have been what my mother wanted for me (don’t ever fall for that one).

Over the past decade, I have pondered that mistake and have a few suggestions for those of you who are going (or are forced to go) with a friend or family member to purchase a vehicle. Especially when you know this person has little or no idea what they are talking about, but you fear speaking up for personal or financial repercussions. Many of you know what you want and what’s going to make you happy; don’t let someone else tell you what they think you need – make up your own mind!

Here are a few suggestions for car shopping to think about before being pushed in a direction you do not wish to go.

1. Overload on all the information you can get about the vehicles you are interested in. Bring comparisons, charts, old brochures, downloads, and pertinent information that will make it hard to argue against your point when you find what you want. Research as much as you can and know the cars you are interested in before you spend your weekend arguing about his suggestion.

2. See if you can dig up some information on the types of vehicles your “uncle” may own. If his family only drives Ford products, you can bet he will steer you in that direction. You can prepare for this by seeing what kinds of cars fall in the Ford family (Mazda, Volvo etc.) and seeing if any of those makes tickle your fancy.

3. If you know the makes your “uncle” wants you to buy are un-appetizing to you, then you need to make the statement in a not-so subtle way. Nearly every automaker has a black mark in their history (some more than others). Look it up and make it the very reason why you will not consider that brand.

4. If the aforementioned is too extreme, plan ‘B’ can be better than nothing.

So, what is plan ‘B’? Lie like a politician! Make something up and repeat it to yourself until you believe your own lie (lawyers do it all the time). If you want a VW New Beetle and your “uncle” wants you to get a Toyota Matrix, follow your heart… and make up a lie.

I had a family friend who wanted a Jaguar X-Type (not my 1^st suggestion) and convinced his “uncle” that the similarly priced BMW 3-series was a car for people who only think they know cars. A Jaguar X-Type is far more reliable than the BMW and cheaper to fix. There are fewer pretenses in owning the X-Type as well… All lies.

The irony of course being that the X-Type was more along the lines of what he was saying was wrong with the BMW. Still, he was so passionate that he got what he wanted (4 years later, he bought a Mercedes).

1. Bring someone who is on your side, someone who has nothing to gain by agreeing with your ‘uncle’. That person should be clued in on what you want and why. They may have the guts to say something is unsightly or unwanted when you don’t.

2. Be obnoxious! A car is a big part of our lives and it is a daily reminder of the choices we make. If you think you’re going to be disappointed with your purchase later on – scream and yell! Stop the pain before it begins by pushing every button your ‘uncle’ may have. Refuse to test drive a car you don’t want or call it, “ugly.” Let them know that this car is something you can see them (i.e. your “uncle”) driving, but not you. Keep it up and be a pain in the neck until you get closer to what you want.

3. Be realistic! Look, many of you are not going to get a Porsche for Hyundai money – sorry. But, if you’re willing to compromise a bit, the Hyundai Tiburon is damn sporty (looking) and drives nice. The Porsche 911 will have to wait until your savings account grows – a lot! If you have more than one fall-back choice, you may look at using them as alternates to your 1^st choice – if your “uncle” is stubborn.

4. Speak up! I know, this is the hardest one. Sometimes, people are so cruel that they will tell you, “You’ll regret this decision for the rest of your life!” Hours after capitulating you realize that the only thing you regretted was accepting their input in the first place. This is where speaking up can save you some headache. If your heart is set, don’t let them scare you with harsh statements. Stand your ground and stick to your guns. If you know you’re being reasonable about your choice then be willing to at least say, “No, I won’t” when such a nasty thing is said.

5. Be willing to walk away. No matter how much your heart was set on just one car, you may have to turn your back on it. I’m not referring to price either, for that is usually the main determining factor when purchasing. I am talking about simply refusing your “uncle’s” help and, thus walking away. Think about the ramifications before you look at cars and have a backup plan ready. Saying, “No” to that person is a hell of a leap for some (I know that I wish I had done it in the past and I was delighted when I was able to do it later on), but you might find it empowering.

6. Remember: this is all based on that one “uncle” you DID NOT want advice or help from. Think about where he is coming from and consider his perspective. I find that guilt from past mistakes tends to be a major contributing factor to your “uncle’s” unwanted aid. Who knows, they may have missed too many birthdays, funerals, weddings, hospital visits – whatever and they are trying to make up for it, despite their lack of expertise. Acknowledging that and moving on may help remedy the main factor before they offer their help. Some “uncles” cannot see you as an adult and feel it is their place to inform you on how you should be purchasing whether you’re 17 or 47. In many cases, hearing themselves speak (no matter how bad the information is) could be a form of self-help.

You may love your “uncle” very much and suffer for not telling him how crappy his advice was for you and how the car purchase made you feel. It is a hard thing to separate a know-it-all from the person you are trying so hard to work with. Settling on what others think is best for you can be a painful reminder when you have to shove your key in the very thing you never wanted.

I ask you just to remember one thing: In the end, it’s going to be your car – not his!

Tags: Cars News, General //