Opinion: Two Rare Hummers on the Way

Hummers recent foray into a more driver- and urban-friendly format has seen its sales numbers jumping, and I, for one, have been seeing the H2, and even more recently the H3 pop up as the winter transport of choice for many of the well endowed, at least monetarily speaking.

While it is still a fairly exclusive ride, Hummer is not quite in the "the only person Ive heard of who owns one is Gary Coleman" territory, so the boys at its General Motors parent decided they needed to boost the exclusivity factor with a Special Edition, or two. So if 325 horsepower, 365 lb-ft of torque and the ability to wade through 20-inch deep water and climb 16-inch steps arent enough for you, Hummer now has an H2 that should satisfy.

Start with the less familiar H2 SUT, which features an open-air cargo area and Chevy Avalanche-style rear seats that can be folded and converted into additional pick-up bed space. The H2 limited editions will have a run of 1,000 units each in two vibrant colors, Pacific Blue and Fusion Orange. Both will feature a heated windshield wiper system that will quickly melt away ice and snow on the go. Didnt I just see a TV commercial for something like that? Hold on to your oohs and aahs, theres more coming.

All special editions also get a rear-seat DVD system with dual headrest-mounted screens and wireless headphones. Uh, is that it? Did I mention they come in two unique colors, Fusion Orange and Pacific Blue?

Anyway, each color of vehicle does have its own individual trait, aside from its different color, that is. The Fusion Orange edition features a rear vision camera system, plus Fusion Orange colored brush guard and tail lamp protectors, in case the back up camera is not sufficient for your parking needs or to protect you from other incompetent parkers.

The Pacific Blue limited edition features all the H2 SUTs standard features, with a unique Pacific Blue exterior. So I think weve established that the Pacific Blue limited edition is blue, or, uh, Pacific Blue, but it also has the up-level premium appearance package and some extra chrome bits sprinkled about in case the massive chrome grille isnt enough for you. Those chrome bits are mostly on the wheels, but you can also find some on the mirrors. Fancy. The interior has some carbon fibre elements, too.

If you ask me, GM could have given West Coast Custom (of Pimp My Ride fame) a pair of H2 SUTs and a $50,000 dollar budget and come out of it looking a whole lot cooler, but I guess thats not what GM wants to look like at the biggest show of the year in North America. I guess theyd rather look like theyre trying to make a blatant sales grab for the price of a paint job and two headrest monitors.

But seriously, Hummer seems to be doing so well now that GM could show up with another new cologne named after one of its vehicles and that would be enough to keep the big utes moving off of GM lots, because we all know theres nothing men want more than Hummers, except maybe cologne.

Wait a minute, a cologne named after one of the most rugged vehicles (at least in image) on the planet, what a brilliant idea! I wonder what it smells like. I havent sampled it yet even though its been out for a year, but I imagine a woodsy, cedar-smoke and fresh salmon kind of smell. Ladies, what do you think? Is that what you want your man to smell like?

Did I say that last paragraph was going to be serious? Oops, I did it again. Special Edition Hummer H2 SUTs will become available early in 2006, with no word on pricing as of yet.